I find myself in the eve of my birthday thinking that life is not what it used to be. Five years ago, I was a happy child with absolutely no care in the world. I had a great family, I had friends, I had a boyfriend (believe it or not) and life was jolly. Then again we tend to over romantisice our past.... So here I am one confused child playing to be totally happy, grown up and in control  with my life. Which Im not. I'm utterly depressed because the forseable future is not one I want for myself. Worse, I can't do a thing about it...  I think too much, I'm too impulsive and reckless, I do most things to extreme. This summer, the subject of college came up for the first time, Where was i going to go ? what was i going to study?. I went as far as planning my whole college experience. I know almost exactly how much im going to spend,  how long its going to take, where im going to go, what im going to study and where im going to board. Its scary if you really think about it. College is 5 years away. I get so frustrated with what im doing in my life in this moment. I feel like im wasting away my life in a rutine. Wake, Go to school, come back, eat, sleep. Over and over and over and over again. I want to do somethign else for a change! Go to a museum, of visit a shop and learn how to do things, go hiking, go for a freaking walk!Learn things for real not from a text book and a teachers voice that i can drown out... I feel helpless because I can't change my life style.... It truly belive my life was better long long ago...